Being the scapegoat child to a narcissistic parent means feeling very unimportant. You may have even felt like you did not exist to this parent. Psychologically speaking you would not be wrong. It is very painful for a child to attach to a parent who does not see nor care about the child’s existence. The rule is that the parent …
Do you add caveats to your strengths or accomplishments? Does it seem like you are not as mature, developed or confident as others? Have you perceived a flaw in yourself that makes you inadequate compared to your peer group? These are all ways to discount yourself to yourself. Why would that be necessary? If you were the scapegoat child to …
In most families, parents protect and respect their children. This protection and respect does not falter when the child needs something. Nor when the child spontaneously expresses themselves. I like to think of human beings as having a seat in themselves that we can more or less occupy. A big factor that determines whether we can occupy our seat is …
Do you experience your ideas to be less captivating than others’ ideas? When you are alone, can you feel flat or lifeless? Do you find other people to be more exciting people than you? If you had a narcissistic parent and you answered yes to these questions then you may feel uninteresting as a person. Scapegoat children to a narcissistic …
In every blog, I talk about the 3 Pillars of Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse. Today I want to dig into why the second pillar is so important: gaining distance from the narcissistic abuser. Our minds and nervous systems adjust to how we are treated in close relationships. When we can be around people who feel safe, our nervous system seeks …
As a child, did you feel… …like everything you did was wrong? …like there was an aching hole inside that never seemed to fill up? …like you were not allowed to have good relationships outside of your family? Scapegoat children to narcissistic parents are familiar with such experiences. They are used to being known as someone who is defective and …
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent and felt devalued most of the time then you were that parent’s scapegoat. The scapegoat is someone who must embody what the narcissistic parent cannot stand in themselves. By “finding” what they hate in themselves to be in the scapegoat child, the parent feels protected; this is the role of the scapegoat child. …
I recently thought about the metaphor of a business conference for what happens when a narcissistic family puts a child in the role of scapegoat. In a business conference the attendees are required to wear nametags and there’s usually a conference agenda that lists out who’s doing what and when. The most revered member of the conference usually gives the …
Did you work extremely hard to make your narcissistic partner or parent happy yet always seem to be falling behind? Was it especially dangerous to expect something from them? Was it impossible to assume they were going to be happy with you? These questions point to the pseudo-reality that a narcissistic abuser works to impose upon the person in the …
In the comments from an earlier Youtube Video, someone posted this: Jay, could you do a video about REGRET?? Not living to full potential [in the] past due to narcissistic abuse and feeling like you lost your “best years”. -Youtube Google I thought this was a very important point and topic. Based on the number of replies, it looks like …
