Sometimes in the process of recovery from narcissistic abuse it can feel like one is being pulled back towards the narcissistic parent or partner. This can happen literally in the pull to have more contact with this person or even in one’s own mind where you may find yourself going from what is happening now between you and people in …
Recover From Narcissistic Abuse by Deciding How You’re Spoken To
I want to talk about a destructive tactic used by a narcissistically abusive parent and how you can begin to heal from it and live in defiance of it. Let me start with a fictionalized example of a client named Terence. Terence grew up with a narcissistic mother who would yell and berate Terence for the slightest supposed ‘offenses’ throughout …
What To Do After Creating Distance From a Narcissistic Abuser
This person purchased my online course for recovery from narcissistic abuse and accompanying private facebook group for those enrolled in the course and asked an important question. S/he gave me permission to quote them directly here. Every time I watch a video of yours or well, breathe lol, I want to angrily point out to my Dad and mom “Look! …
Why a Narcissist Undermines Your Judgment
Do you find it difficult to know your own opinion in life? Do you tend to regard others as the ‘experts’ and defer to their judgment? Does it seem like whatever you conclude is going to be wrong somehow while others are going to be right? If you survived a narcissistic parent then these kinds of experiences might make a …
When Language Gets Weird After Narcissistic Abuse
Do you find it difficult to know your own opinion in life? Do you tend to regard others as the ‘experts’ and defer to their judgment? Does it seem like whatever you conclude is going to be wrong somehow while others are going to be right? If you’re familiar with any of these experiences then today’s post may be useful. …
How Scapegoats Can Speak Their Voice After Narcissistic Abuse
Do you have difficulty knowing what you want for yourself? Do relationships seem to be all about what the other person wants and needs? Do you have to curate what you say before you say it for fear of not being understood? If you answered yes to any of these questions and you identify as the scapegoat to a narcissistic …
Moving Out of the Narcissistic Parent’s Home for Scapegoats
Rick was another anonymized client who grew up as the scapegoat in a family dominated by a narcissistic mother. He was roundly criticized and yelled at on a daily basis for not doing chores around the house in a “responsible enough” way, or not showing enough deference to his mother, or wanting to see friends outside the family. Towards the …
Gaining Distance From a Narcissist Is Not Avoidance
Bernard was another fictionalized client who came to therapy in his mid-twenties to find relief from the constant anxiety he experienced in his life. We quickly came to understand that he grew up with a narcissistic father who acted in a domineering way around the house and would grow enraged if Bernard responded with anything but obedience. It was no …
Therapy with survivors of narcissistic Abuse: Part 6 Five steps to case formulation
Now we’re ready to put it all together. In this post I’m going to explain how to answer 5 questions about your client to know how you can best help them reach their goals. First, I will show you a diagram that you can use in your own clinical work and apply it to the case of Sarah that I …
Therapy with survivors of narcissistic Abuse: Part 5 How Clients may Test Pathogenic Beliefs
As a therapist you have almost an infinite amount of choices in each moment as to what to pay attention to, how to respond and what to emphasize to your clients. Theories of therapy give therapists a strategy for how to do this in a way that should be helpful to the client. One aspect of Control-Mastery Theory that I …