What does anger look like to you? Fists pounding a table? Faces getting red? Veins bulging? Raised Voices? These are some of the common associations to anger in our culture. Such displays of anger are more reflective of rage. Anger can be expressed without any of the over-the-top behaviors described above. The value of anger is that a person …
I moved to the Philadelphia area in sixth grade. Coming from southern California, I had trouble finding friends who loved football as much as me. The first Tuesday morning at my new school in the Philadelphia suburbs, all my classmates were talking about the Eagles performance against the New York Giants the night before. I thought I was in heaven. …
Self-sabotage is another term that blames the person doing it. The implication can be that people don’t have the ‘good sense’ to allow themselves success. Self-sabotage falls on a spectrum of course. We can probably all relate to procrastinating before a big exam. Getting a lower grade than might have otherwise been possible can result. Minor bouts of procrastination …
‘Fear of success’ can occur in at least two ways. Some people truly desire success but fear failing. Others find the prospect of not failing more scary than failing. That may not make a lot of sense at first blush. If we dig a little deeper, a logical – but more complex – explanation emerges. This post is about a …
Do you feel fundamentally unlikeable unless you are doing something for others? Perhaps you counteract this feeling by acting in ways that generate positive responses from others. Termed “moving towards people”, this can mean attuning to and meeting others’ emotional needs, and/or finding it necessary to be helpful to others. In isolation these kinds of behaviors are worthy character traits. …
It can be head-scratching when someone is being harmed but does not flee to safety or otherwise protect themselves. We often assume that everyone wants to feel safe and protected and label other kinds of behavior as “self-destructive”. If there’s a thorn in the lion’s paw, he wants it taken out. If someone’s partner is physically or emotionally abusive then …
To know whether you experienced a bad childhood, take this short assessment. The majority of adults in the United States had parents who were ‘good-enough’. This does not mean that everything was perfect in these families. Rather there was enough consistency, support, and flexibility for children to develop. There is a sizable minority in the population whose parents …
by Jay Reid A difficult but under appreciated aspect of depression is how it disrupts concentration. Being depressed means feeling down or flat most days. As days go by while feeling depressed, a sense of hopelessness can also emerge. Concentrating is a purposeful activity that requires: 1) the desire to reach a goal, and 2) the belief that the …
by Jay Reid Case illustration: John* was a successful 28-year-old software engineer. He explained that he lives his life through the eyes of others instead of his own. He was acutely aware of how other people might perceive him and adjusted his behavior, speech, everything to try to please them. In his life, John had learned to funnel his understanding of …
by Jay Reid Drugs and alcohol can be fun to consume. If they weren’t, then a lot less people would find themselves struggling with addiction. How does recreational use of drugs or alcohol transition to full-blown addiction? Addiction means believing you can control your use despite all the evidence that you cannot. What does the illusion of control over addictive behavior look like? …
