Do you feel fundamentally unlikeable unless you are doing something for others? Perhaps you counteract this feeling by acting in ways that generate positive responses from others. Termed “moving towards people”, this can mean attuning to and meeting others’ emotional needs, and/or finding it necessary to be helpful to others. In isolation these kinds of behaviors are worthy character traits. …
It can be head-scratching when someone is being harmed but does not flee to safety or otherwise protect themselves. We often assume that everyone wants to feel safe and protected and label other kinds of behavior as “self-destructive”. If there’s a thorn in the lion’s paw, he wants it taken out. If someone’s partner is physically or emotionally abusive then …
To know whether you experienced a bad childhood, take this short assessment. The majority of adults in the United States had parents who were ‘good-enough’. This does not mean that everything was perfect in these families. Rather there was enough consistency, support, and flexibility for children to develop. There is a sizable minority in the population whose parents …
by Jay Reid A difficult but under appreciated aspect of depression is how it disrupts concentration. Being depressed means feeling down or flat most days. As days go by while feeling depressed, a sense of hopelessness can also emerge. Concentrating is a purposeful activity that requires: 1) the desire to reach a goal, and 2) the belief that the …
by Jay Reid Case illustration: John* was a successful 28-year-old software engineer. He explained that he lives his life through the eyes of others instead of his own. He was acutely aware of how other people might perceive him and adjusted his behavior, speech, everything to try to please them. In his life, John had learned to funnel his understanding of …
by Jay Reid Drugs and alcohol can be fun to consume. If they weren’t, then a lot less people would find themselves struggling with addiction. How does recreational use of drugs or alcohol transition to full-blown addiction? Addiction means believing you can control your use despite all the evidence that you cannot. What does the illusion of control over addictive behavior look like? …
by Jay Reid This blog post is the second in a series about how some people must sacrifice some part of themselves in order to keep important relationships going. In the last blog, I talked about Joan who believed she must sacrifice her needs, talents, and strengths for someone else to care about her. This post will focus on how therapy …
by Jay Reid This blog post is the first in a series dedicated to having to give up what you really think or feel in order to keep important relationships intact. All references to clients are fictional. Joan walked into my office with an ear-to-ear smile. She explained a painful cycle of anxiety attacks at work and feelings of emptiness …
One of the scariest experiences in life can be a panic attack. Anxiety is no fun but at least there’s a sense that something might or might not happen in the future. In a panic attack something terrible is happening right now. Panic attacks mean having your world unexpectedly turned upside down, with a surge of terror that feels never-ending. Your …
by Jay Reid Depression and sleep are often at odds with each other. Going to sleep requires coming to a state of rest. Depression often means wrestling with such unsolvable problems as feelings of: Being fundamentally flawed Hopelessness about your life ever getting better Searing guilt over something you did that day Dread of impending doom. These experiences usually require our …
