trauma bonds in narcissistic abuse

Break Free of the Trauma Bonds in Narcissistic Abuse

Do you fear that if you listen to what you’re unhappy about in a relationship that it will be impossible to be happy with anyone? Do you fear a terrible retribution, comeuppance, or profound humiliation if you dare to move away from a friend or partner who is treating you poorly? Does it seem like having someone there is a …

what you sacrificed is what saves you

What a Scapegoat Sacrificed Is What Saves After Narcissistic Abuse

Most scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to know they can safely experience themselves as they actually are.  They’ve had to don a costume of being abhorrent to the people who they first met in life and tragically learned how dangerous it was to take off that costume.  The crux of recovery from being the scapegoat in a family structured …

scapegoat survivor

The Scapegoat’s Instinct To Include Others

In my work with individuals who have survived being the scapegoat in their family of origin I am almost always struck by their deep capacity to understand, empathize with, and offer acceptance to the experience of other people.  It’s striking because these people exhibit these instincts despite – for the most part – not knowing this treatment firsthand in the …

recover your status after narcissistic abuse

Recover Your Status After Narcissistic Abuse

If you have survived narcissistic abuse then you likely felt singled out and treated with unbridled contempt and devaluation.  I think that one of the worst features of this form of abuse – or any form of bullying for that matter – is how the abuser regards you as lower status than him or her.  It’s the narcissist’s assumption that …

Why a Narcissist Deceives the Public and Abuses in Private

Did you have a narcissistic parent who showered people outside the home with deference, respect and charm? Did that same parent have no trouble turning against you once the doors to the outside world closed? Did you have to worry constantly about your narcissistic parent feeling embarrassed by your behavior ‘out in public’ such that you would hear about it …

how to trust after narcissistic abuse

How To Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

Is it hard to believe that others could genuinely care about your feelings? Do you find yourself assuming some sort of ulterior motive to those who seem to be committing an act of kindness? Does it feel like care and affection is something to be earned rather than received?   If you answered yes to any of these questions then …

self-worth medals in narcissistic abuse

Getting Robbed of Self-worth Medals in Narcissistic Abuse

Does it feel very difficult or even impossible to feel proud of yourself? Does winning feel like a foreign experience to you? Do you find yourself taking on activities in order to disprove that you’re incapable rather than seeking feelings of effectiveness, power or satisfaction? Do you spend a lot of time trying not to be a disappointment to yourself? …

bad childhood

So you had a bad childhood…

To know whether you experienced a bad childhood, take this short assessment.   The majority of adults in the United States had parents who were ‘good-enough’. This does not mean that everything was perfect in these families. Rather there was enough consistency, support, and flexibility for children to develop.   There is a sizable minority in the population whose parents …

emotional abuse

Emotional Abuse: The Invisible Trauma

Do any of the following points apply to you? You take care of other people’s emotional needs but don’t expect them to take care of yours You have a difficult time identifying and expressing your own feelings You find yourself in relationships with people who seem self-absorbed You never express anger towards friends or partners You never feel like you …