scapegoat’s mental frame after narcissistic abuse

The Scapegoat’s Mental Frame After Narcissistic Abuse

Someone who had survived narcissistic abuse as the scapegoat in his family of origin recently described what it was like for him to play his favorite sport – basketball.  We’ll call this person ‘Steph’ (no relation to Curry).  Steph loved shooting baskets and playing in pickup games with his friends since he was 5 years old.  Something just felt good …

how to talk to others about a narcissistic parenthow to talk to others about a narcissistic parent

How to Talk to Others About a Narcissistic Parent

So you’ve done a ton of work to take stock of how you had to adapt to a narcissistic parent’s abusiveness.  Now that you live with a hard-earned awareness of the truth about your parent, you are talking to your longtime friend from high school who asks you how that parent is doing and tells you how much they always …

quest to be important to the narcissist

Giving up the Quest To Be Important to the Narcissist

Have you had a parent or partner in your life whose approval you wanted so badly yet always seemed out of reach? Did life feel more exciting or even more worth living when you were in the company of this person and much less so when away from him or her? Has the quest to be important to the narcissist  …

orbit of the narcissistic parent

Free Yourself From the Narcissist’s Orbit

I think there’s a lesson in how the most basic unit of life – the atom – is structured and how our inner experience is meant to be structured.  Here’s what an atom looks like: You have the center or nucleus of the atom that has these sub-atomic particles called protons and neutrons that carry a positive charge.  Then you …

how to overcome guilt after leaving a narcissistic abuser

How To Overcome Guilt After Leaving a Narcissistic Abuser

The term ‘Narcissistic abuse’ is pretty recognizable that it’s a bad thing.  Like no one’s gonna sign up for some form of abuse, right?  So, if you’re unfortunate enough to know firsthand such abuse then how can it be that the prospect of leaving one’s abuser can feel scarier, more conflictual, and guilt inducing than staying in the abusive situation?  …

Safety First: The secret to processing narcissistic abuse trauma

I think there’s an idea in the world of recovery from any sort of trauma – narcissistic abuse included – that it requires revisiting the feelings that were felt during the abuse and that if those feelings are felt and those experiences re-examined properly then the survivor will be released from it all.  Although that may work in some cases, …

The importance of getting away from a narcissistic abuser

One of the most challenging aspects in recovering from narcissistic abuse is the task of putting psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical distance between yourself and your narcissistic abuser.  I’ve talked about the guilt and ambivalence that can sometimes emerge when beginning to separate from a narcissistic family or partner.  Questions can arise like: “Am I making all this up?”, “Am …