Below you'll find a list of all posts that have been tagged as “scapegoat”
Rick was another anonymized client who grew up as the scapegoat in a family dominated by a narcissistic mother. He was roundly criticized and yelled at on a daily basis for not doing chores around the house in a “responsible enough” way, or not showing enough deference to his mother, or wanting to see friends outside the family. Towards the …
Bernard was another fictionalized client who came to therapy in his mid-twenties to find relief from the constant anxiety he experienced in his life. We quickly came to understand that he grew up with a narcissistic father who acted in a domineering way around the house and would grow enraged if Bernard responded with anything but obedience. It was no …
Have you often felt different from everyone else in group settings? Has it seemed like a matter of when, not if others will see you as an outcast? Have you found yourself feeling excluded and unwelcome in your friendships and relationships? If you answered yes to any of these questions and survived narcissistic abuse as a scapegoat then you may …
Have you found yourself in friendships or relationships where you always seemed to be the butt of the joke? Has it seemed impossible to you that such friends or partners might actually be jealous of you? Do you find yourself taking a lot more ribbing than dishing it out with others? If any of these experiences apply to you and …
Do you fear that if you listen to what you’re unhappy about in a relationship that it will be impossible to be happy with anyone? Do you fear a terrible retribution, comeuppance, or profound humiliation if you dare to move away from a friend or partner who is treating you poorly? Does it seem like having someone there is a …
Most scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to know they can safely experience themselves as they actually are. They’ve had to don a costume of being abhorrent to the people who they first met in life and tragically learned how dangerous it was to take off that costume. The crux of recovery from being the scapegoat in a family structured …
In my work with individuals who have survived being the scapegoat in their family of origin I am almost always struck by their deep capacity to understand, empathize with, and offer acceptance to the experience of other people. It’s striking because these people exhibit these instincts despite – for the most part – not knowing this treatment firsthand in the …
If you have survived narcissistic abuse then you likely felt singled out and treated with unbridled contempt and devaluation. I think that one of the worst features of this form of abuse – or any form of bullying for that matter – is how the abuser regards you as lower status than him or her. It’s the narcissist’s assumption that …
Did you have a narcissistic parent who showered people outside the home with deference, respect and charm? Did that same parent have no trouble turning against you once the doors to the outside world closed? Did you have to worry constantly about your narcissistic parent feeling embarrassed by your behavior ‘out in public’ such that you would hear about it …
Being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family is to be saddled with all of the narcissistic parent’s problems and sent into exile. The scapegoat child has to keep finding ways to hold onto the narcissistic parent in the face of this rejection. Usually that’s done by that child believing things about themselves that lets them perceive the narcissistic parent’s abuse …
