take off the scapegoat nametag at the narcissistic family’s conference

Take off the Scapegoat Nametag at the Narcissistic Family’s Conference

I recently thought about the metaphor of a business conference for what happens when a narcissistic family puts a child in the role of scapegoat. In a business conference the attendees are required to wear nametags and there’s usually a conference agenda that lists out who’s doing what and when. The most revered member of the conference usually gives the …

heal from narcissistic abuse by taking others’ support for granted

Heal From Narcissistic Abuse by Taking Others’ Support for Granted

Did you work extremely hard to make your narcissistic partner or parent happy yet always seem to be falling behind? Was it especially dangerous to expect something from them? Was it impossible to assume they were going to be happy with you? These questions point to the pseudo-reality that a narcissistic abuser works to impose upon the person in the …

dealing with regret for scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse

Dealing With Regret for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

In the comments from an earlier Youtube Video, someone posted this: Jay, could you do a video about REGRET?? Not living to full potential [in the] past due to narcissistic abuse and feeling like you lost your “best years”. -Youtube Google I thought this was a very important point and topic. Based on the number of replies, it looks like …

when scapegoats escape inward to survive narcissistic abuse

When Scapegoats Escape Inward To Survive Narcissistic Abuse

You may have heard the saying that when you point a finger at someone else there are always three fingers pointing back at you. There’s certainly wisdom in this for those who are over eager to blame others for their troubles. For someone who survived narcissistic abuse as the scapegoat, however, this saying and the concept it reflects may need …

trust what the narcissist shows you not what you hope for

Trust What the Narcissist Shows You Not What You Hope For

In my experience, scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse often find it very difficult to take the narcissist’s behavior towards them at face value. When the relationship to the narcissist feels more important than the scapegoat survivor’s own well being – as is the case when a child has a narcissistic parent – then there’s no real option to trust what …

therapy after narcissistic abuse

Mending the Split: What Therapy Can Help With After Narcissistic Abuse

Imagine a child who’s three years old and is exquisitely conscious of the child’s smallness and needfulness. At times he feels a continuity of that dependency with someone upon whom he can depend. A bigger person who seems to be there and take delight in the child. When he’s on the swings at the playground this bigger person pushes the …

how long does it take to recover from narcissistic abuse

How Long Does It Take To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse?

This question comes up a lot in my experience with survivors of narcissistic abuse. And how can it not? If you have to live under the auspices of grim self-diminishing beliefs, which you had to adapt to survive narcissistic abuse then, of course, you would want to know how long until you can expect some relief. I often engage with …

recover from narcissistic abuse by deciding how you’re spoken to

Recover From Narcissistic Abuse by Deciding How You’re Spoken To

I want to talk about a destructive tactic used by a narcissistically abusive parent and how you can begin to heal from it and live in defiance of it. Let me start with a fictionalized example of a client named Terence. Terence grew up with a narcissistic mother who would yell and berate Terence for the slightest supposed ‘offenses’ throughout …

what to do after creating distance from a narcissistic abuser

What To Do After Creating Distance From a Narcissistic Abuser

This person purchased my online course for recovery from narcissistic abuse and accompanying private facebook group for those enrolled in the course and asked an important question.  S/he gave me permission to quote them directly here. Every time I watch a video of yours or well, breathe lol, I want to angrily point out to my Dad and mom “Look! …

why a narcissist undermines your judgment

Why a Narcissist Undermines Your Judgment

Do you find it difficult to know your own opinion in life? Do you tend to regard others as the ‘experts’ and defer to their judgment? Does it seem like whatever you conclude is going to be wrong somehow while others are going to be right? If you survived a narcissistic parent then these kinds of experiences might make a …