take off the scapegoat nametag at the narcissistic family’s conference

Take off the Scapegoat Nametag at the Narcissistic Family’s Conference

I recently thought about the metaphor of a business conference for what happens when a narcissistic family puts a child in the role of scapegoat. In a business conference the attendees are required to wear nametags and there’s usually a conference agenda that lists out who’s doing what and when. The most revered member of the conference usually gives the …

dealing with regret for scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse

Dealing With Regret for Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

In the comments from an earlier Youtube Video, someone posted this: Jay, could you do a video about REGRET?? Not living to full potential [in the] past due to narcissistic abuse and feeling like you lost your “best years”. -Youtube Google I thought this was a very important point and topic. Based on the number of replies, it looks like …

what to do after creating distance from a narcissistic abuser

What To Do After Creating Distance From a Narcissistic Abuser

This person purchased my online course for recovery from narcissistic abuse and accompanying private facebook group for those enrolled in the course and asked an important question.  S/he gave me permission to quote them directly here. Every time I watch a video of yours or well, breathe lol, I want to angrily point out to my Dad and mom “Look! …

moving out of the narcissistic parent’s home for scapegoats

Moving Out of the Narcissistic Parent’s Home for Scapegoats

Rick was another anonymized client who grew up as the scapegoat in a family dominated by a narcissistic mother.  He was roundly criticized and yelled at on a daily basis for not doing chores around the house in a “responsible enough” way, or not showing enough deference to his mother, or wanting to see friends outside the family.  Towards the …

gaining distance from a narcissist is not avoidance

Gaining Distance From a Narcissist Is Not Avoidance

Bernard was another fictionalized client who came to therapy in his mid-twenties to find relief from the constant anxiety he experienced in his life. We quickly came to understand that he grew up with a narcissistic father who acted in a domineering way around the house and would grow enraged if Bernard responded with anything but obedience. It was no …

feeling like an outcast after being the narcissist’s scapegoat

Feeling Like an Outcast After Being the Narcissist’s Scapegoat

Have you often felt different from everyone else in group settings? Has it seemed like a matter of when, not if others will see you as an outcast? Have you found yourself feeling excluded and unwelcome in your friendships and relationships? If you answered yes to any of these questions and survived narcissistic abuse as a scapegoat then you may …

protecting your right to success after narcissistic abuse: protecting yourself

Protecting Your Right to Success After Narcissistic Abuse

Have you found yourself in friendships or relationships where you always seemed to be the butt of the joke? Has it seemed impossible to you that such friends or partners might actually be jealous of you? Do you find yourself taking a lot more ribbing than dishing it out with others? If any of these experiences apply to you and …

trauma bonds in narcissistic abuse

Break Free of the Trauma Bonds in Narcissistic Abuse

Do you fear that if you listen to what you’re unhappy about in a relationship that it will be impossible to be happy with anyone? Do you fear a terrible retribution, comeuppance, or profound humiliation if you dare to move away from a friend or partner who is treating you poorly? Does it seem like having someone there is a …

what you sacrificed is what saves you

What a Scapegoat Sacrificed Is What Saves After Narcissistic Abuse

Most scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to know they can safely experience themselves as they actually are.  They’ve had to don a costume of being abhorrent to the people who they first met in life and tragically learned how dangerous it was to take off that costume.  The crux of recovery from being the scapegoat in a family structured …

6 keys to deal with a narcissist

6 Keys To Deal With a Narcissist When You Can’t Get Away

I write a lot on this blog about the importance of getting psychological, emotional and physical distance from a narcissistic abuser.  Some viewers of my Youtube Channel have wisely pointed out that sometimes this isn’t possible.  A viewer recently asked: “As an adult, how to handle living with a parent who has strong narcissistic and controlling behaviors, when you have …