Below you'll find a list of all posts that have been tagged as “control-mastery theory”
Today I would like to focus on the psychology of a narcissistic mother or father and why it is so likely to end in abuse for their children. Life can feel confusing for a child born into a family headed by a narcissistic mother or father. Particularly if that child was the family scapegoat, it can seem like everything they …
In my practice, I see a fair amount of people who have been scapegoated in their families of origin. There is a conspicuous bigness that scapegoated people seem to possess. I mean ‘big’ in the size and strength of one’s body and personality. Over time I have come to conclude that the ‘size’ of scapegoated individuals is no accident. A …
Today’s blog post describes why a malignantly narcissistic parent has to scapegoat a child, why certain children get picked as the scapegoat, the impact of getting scapegoated and how to use therapy to recover from this especially pernicious form of abuse. This article extends recent posts on the roles played in families dominated by a narcissistic caregiver. Sometimes a client …
I have a very smart and wonderful client, Karen*, who recently said: “I feel like you are always telling me that I’m right and everyone else is wrong Isn’t it somewhere in the middle?”. Her question gave me pause. Was I erring on the side of being too supportive and excusing her of responsibility? Had I abandoned ‘therapeutic neutrality’ in …
“I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.” -Oscar Wilde, The importance of being Earnest Many of my clients grew up in families where they could not be themselves at home. They were coerced to play a family role at great odds with their natural …
Good Will Hunting is one of my favorite movies. Will’s character is so compelling. By day he hangs out with his hard-living friends. By night he exercises his genius by solving quadratic equations, reading voraciously, and thinking big thoughts. Put another way, his public self seems to contradict his private self. And the contradiction goes in an unusual direction. …
“In the end the Party would announce that two and two made five, and you would have to believe it.” – George Orwell 1984 I find in my therapy practice that there is nothing wrong with my clients except that they believe there is. People do not insist on a perception of reality that worsens quality of life out of …
It can be head-scratching when someone is being harmed but does not flee to safety or otherwise protect themselves. We often assume that everyone wants to feel safe and protected and label other kinds of behavior as “self-destructive”. If there’s a thorn in the lion’s paw, he wants it taken out. If someone’s partner is physically or emotionally abusive then …
by Jay Reid This blog post is the first in a series dedicated to having to give up what you really think or feel in order to keep important relationships intact. All references to clients are fictional. Joan walked into my office with an ear-to-ear smile. She explained a painful cycle of anxiety attacks at work and feelings of emptiness …
Are you extra careful to not seem like a ‘show-off’, ‘know-it-all’ or ‘arrogant’? Do you keep most of your worries to yourself lest you ‘burden’ others? Does it often feel like someone important to you could easily think you’re abandoning him or her? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you’re not alone. Many people learn that …
