scapegoated

The Bigger They Are…Why Narcissist’s Target Big People

In my practice, I see a fair amount of people who have been scapegoated in their families of origin. There is a conspicuous bigness that scapegoated people seem to possess. I mean ‘big’ in the size and strength of one’s body and personality. Over time I have come to conclude that the ‘size’ of scapegoated individuals is no accident. A …

narcissistic family scapegoat

The narcissistic family’s scapegoat: Survival and Recovery

Today’s blog post describes why a malignantly narcissistic parent has to scapegoat a child, why certain children get picked as the scapegoat, the impact of getting scapegoated and how to use therapy to recover from this especially pernicious form of abuse. This article extends recent posts on the roles played in families dominated by a narcissistic caregiver. Sometimes a client …

children of narcissists

Why adult children of narcissists can be so money and not even know it

I have a very smart and wonderful client, Karen*, who recently said: “I feel like you are always telling me that I’m right and everyone else is wrong Isn’t it somewhere in the middle?”. Her question gave me pause. Was I erring on the side of being too supportive and excusing her of responsibility? Had I abandoned ‘therapeutic neutrality’ in …

Good Will Hunting

‘Good Will Hunting’ through the lens of Control-Mastery Theory

Good Will Hunting is one of my favorite movies. Will’s character is so compelling. By day he hangs out with his hard-living friends. By night he exercises his genius by solving quadratic equations, reading voraciously, and thinking big thoughts. Put another way, his public self seems to contradict his private self.   And the contradiction goes in an unusual direction. …

self destructive behavior

Understanding “self-destructive” behavior from within

It can be head-scratching when someone is being harmed but does not flee to safety or otherwise protect themselves. We often assume that everyone wants to feel safe and protected and label other kinds of behavior as “self-destructive”. If there’s a thorn in the lion’s paw, he wants it taken out. If someone’s partner is physically or emotionally abusive then …

Does guilt constrict your life?

Are you extra careful to not seem like a ‘show-off’, ‘know-it-all’ or ‘arrogant’? Do you keep most of your worries to yourself lest you ‘burden’ others? Does it often feel like someone important to you could easily think you’re abandoning him or her? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you’re not alone. Many people learn that …