what you sacrificed is what saves you

What a Scapegoat Sacrificed Is What Saves After Narcissistic Abuse

Most scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to know they can safely experience themselves as they actually are.  They’ve had to don a costume of being abhorrent to the people who they first met in life and tragically learned how dangerous it was to take off that costume.  The crux of recovery from being the scapegoat in a family structured …

scapegoat survivor

The Scapegoat’s Instinct To Include Others

In my work with individuals who have survived being the scapegoat in their family of origin I am almost always struck by their deep capacity to understand, empathize with, and offer acceptance to the experience of other people.  It’s striking because these people exhibit these instincts despite – for the most part – not knowing this treatment firsthand in the …

Why a Narcissist Deceives the Public and Abuses in Private

Did you have a narcissistic parent who showered people outside the home with deference, respect and charm? Did that same parent have no trouble turning against you once the doors to the outside world closed? Did you have to worry constantly about your narcissistic parent feeling embarrassed by your behavior ‘out in public’ such that you would hear about it …

journey of the scapegoat survivor of narcissistic abuse

Journey of the Scapegoat Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

Being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family is to be saddled with all of the narcissistic parent’s problems and sent into exile.  The scapegoat child has to keep finding ways to hold onto the narcissistic parent in the face of this rejection.  Usually that’s done by that child believing things about themselves that lets them perceive the narcissistic parent’s abuse …

how to trust after narcissistic abuse

How To Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

Is it hard to believe that others could genuinely care about your feelings? Do you find yourself assuming some sort of ulterior motive to those who seem to be committing an act of kindness? Does it feel like care and affection is something to be earned rather than received?   If you answered yes to any of these questions then …

how to talk to others about a narcissistic parenthow to talk to others about a narcissistic parent

How to Talk to Others About a Narcissistic Parent

So you’ve done a ton of work to take stock of how you had to adapt to a narcissistic parent’s abusiveness.  Now that you live with a hard-earned awareness of the truth about your parent, you are talking to your longtime friend from high school who asks you how that parent is doing and tells you how much they always …

quest to be important to the narcissist

Giving up the Quest To Be Important to the Narcissist

Have you had a parent or partner in your life whose approval you wanted so badly yet always seemed out of reach? Did life feel more exciting or even more worth living when you were in the company of this person and much less so when away from him or her? Has the quest to be important to the narcissist  …

how to overcome guilt after leaving a narcissistic abuser

How To Overcome Guilt After Leaving a Narcissistic Abuser

The term ‘Narcissistic abuse’ is pretty recognizable that it’s a bad thing.  Like no one’s gonna sign up for some form of abuse, right?  So, if you’re unfortunate enough to know firsthand such abuse then how can it be that the prospect of leaving one’s abuser can feel scarier, more conflictual, and guilt inducing than staying in the abusive situation?  …

keys to recover your confidence after narcissistic abuse

3 Keys To Recover Your Confidence After Narcissistic Abuse

Do you find yourself full of doubt when you try to make a decision? Do you feel more like an impostor than like you belong in your own life? Do you question whether you matter? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you may have had to sacrifice your own self-confidence to survive narcissistic abuse. Although I …

self-worth medals in narcissistic abuse

Getting Robbed of Self-worth Medals in Narcissistic Abuse

Does it feel very difficult or even impossible to feel proud of yourself? Does winning feel like a foreign experience to you? Do you find yourself taking on activities in order to disprove that you’re incapable rather than seeking feelings of effectiveness, power or satisfaction? Do you spend a lot of time trying not to be a disappointment to yourself? …