Below you'll find a list of all posts that have been tagged as “attachment trauma”
Do you notice that you find yourself to be inadequate almost without cause? Do you perceive yourself to be inadequate in comparison to others? Are you surprised or in disbelief when someone praises you for your adequacy in some regard? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions then you may have had your sense of basic adequacy attacked …
Being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family is to be saddled with all of the narcissistic parent’s problems and sent into exile. The scapegoat child has to keep finding ways to hold onto the narcissistic parent in the face of this rejection. Usually that’s done by that child believing things about themselves that lets them perceive the narcissistic parent’s abuse …
Someone who had survived narcissistic abuse as the scapegoat in his family of origin recently described what it was like for him to play his favorite sport – basketball. We’ll call this person ‘Steph’ (no relation to Curry). Steph loved shooting baskets and playing in pickup games with his friends since he was 5 years old. Something just felt good …
Have you had a parent or partner in your life whose approval you wanted so badly yet always seemed out of reach? Did life feel more exciting or even more worth living when you were in the company of this person and much less so when away from him or her? Has the quest to be important to the narcissist …
The term ‘Narcissistic abuse’ is pretty recognizable that it’s a bad thing. Like no one’s gonna sign up for some form of abuse, right? So, if you’re unfortunate enough to know firsthand such abuse then how can it be that the prospect of leaving one’s abuser can feel scarier, more conflictual, and guilt inducing than staying in the abusive situation? …
Did you tend to feel any of these ways with a parent or a partner? Never sure what to expect from them? In certain moments they would seem thrilled with life and you but at other moments would treat you with such hostility, contempt and rage such that they could seem like two different people? Caught up in the drama?…They …
Do you find yourself feeling low or down after periods of feeling good, proud, or effective? Do bouts come over you where it feels like you’ve done or are something wrong even though you can’t point to anything? Do you carry around a sense that the other shoe is going to drop? It’s a matter of when not if? Many …
Today’s blog post describes why a malignantly narcissistic parent has to scapegoat a child, why certain children get picked as the scapegoat, the impact of getting scapegoated and how to use therapy to recover from this especially pernicious form of abuse. This article extends recent posts on the roles played in families dominated by a narcissistic caregiver. Sometimes a client …
I have a very smart and wonderful client, Karen*, who recently said: “I feel like you are always telling me that I’m right and everyone else is wrong Isn’t it somewhere in the middle?”. Her question gave me pause. Was I erring on the side of being too supportive and excusing her of responsibility? Had I abandoned ‘therapeutic neutrality’ in …
“I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.” -Oscar Wilde, The importance of being Earnest Many of my clients grew up in families where they could not be themselves at home. They were coerced to play a family role at great odds with their natural …
