what to do after creating distance from a narcissistic abuser

What To Do After Creating Distance From a Narcissistic Abuser

This person purchased my online course for recovery from narcissistic abuse and accompanying private facebook group for those enrolled in the course and asked an important question.  S/he gave me permission to quote them directly here. Every time I watch a video of yours or well, breathe lol, I want to angrily point out to my Dad and mom “Look! …

when language gets weird after narcissistic abuse

When Language Gets Weird After Narcissistic Abuse

Do you find it difficult to know your own opinion in life? Do you tend to regard others as the ‘experts’ and defer to their judgment? Does it seem like whatever you conclude is going to be wrong somehow while others are going to be right? If you’re familiar with any of these experiences then today’s post may be useful.  …

how scapegoats can speak their voice after narcissistic abuse

How Scapegoats Can Speak Their Voice After Narcissistic Abuse

Do you have difficulty knowing what you want for yourself? Do relationships seem to be all about what the other person wants and needs? Do you have to curate what you say before you say it for fear of not being understood? If you answered yes to any of these questions and you identify as the scapegoat to a narcissistic …

feeling like an outcast after being the narcissist’s scapegoat

Feeling Like an Outcast After Being the Narcissist’s Scapegoat

Have you often felt different from everyone else in group settings? Has it seemed like a matter of when, not if others will see you as an outcast? Have you found yourself feeling excluded and unwelcome in your friendships and relationships? If you answered yes to any of these questions and survived narcissistic abuse as a scapegoat then you may …

what you sacrificed is what saves you

What a Scapegoat Sacrificed Is What Saves After Narcissistic Abuse

Most scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to know they can safely experience themselves as they actually are.  They’ve had to don a costume of being abhorrent to the people who they first met in life and tragically learned how dangerous it was to take off that costume.  The crux of recovery from being the scapegoat in a family structured …

scapegoat survivor

The Scapegoat’s Instinct To Include Others

In my work with individuals who have survived being the scapegoat in their family of origin I am almost always struck by their deep capacity to understand, empathize with, and offer acceptance to the experience of other people.  It’s striking because these people exhibit these instincts despite – for the most part – not knowing this treatment firsthand in the …

recover your status after narcissistic abuse

Recover Your Status After Narcissistic Abuse

If you have survived narcissistic abuse then you likely felt singled out and treated with unbridled contempt and devaluation.  I think that one of the worst features of this form of abuse – or any form of bullying for that matter – is how the abuser regards you as lower status than him or her.  It’s the narcissist’s assumption that …

journey of the scapegoat survivor of narcissistic abuse

Journey of the Scapegoat Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

Being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family is to be saddled with all of the narcissistic parent’s problems and sent into exile.  The scapegoat child has to keep finding ways to hold onto the narcissistic parent in the face of this rejection.  Usually that’s done by that child believing things about themselves that lets them perceive the narcissistic parent’s abuse …

scapegoat’s mental frame after narcissistic abuse

The Scapegoat’s Mental Frame After Narcissistic Abuse

Someone who had survived narcissistic abuse as the scapegoat in his family of origin recently described what it was like for him to play his favorite sport – basketball.  We’ll call this person ‘Steph’ (no relation to Curry).  Steph loved shooting baskets and playing in pickup games with his friends since he was 5 years old.  Something just felt good …