September 27, 2021 at 7:38 pm #8655Jay ReidKeymaster
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Share your experience, rather than advice. It’s far more helpful to express how a post impacted you rather than advise someone what you believe they should do.October 11, 2021 at 3:57 pm #8928Allison IsraelParticipant
Hello Everyone, I related to many of the points Jay made. The only major difference from my experience was that my Mother (the Narcissist) rejected me from birth. When the nurse brought me to her when I was born she said that I was not her child and they must have made a mistake. She refused to take me and they ended up giving me to my father. My father told me that story. I did not have a honeymoon phase. Did any one else have and experience like mine? Does everyone have a Honeymoon phase? I would love to hear your thought>October 12, 2021 at 12:21 am #8931MARTIN ETHERIDGEParticipant
Hi Alison, I suspect I went through some sort of honeymoon phase, but only because my enabler father bore a lifelong resentment bordering on hatred towards me and because my narcissist mother would abandon anyone in order to get some narcissistic supply, which she might have done when I was a baby.
My father had all the traits of borderline personality disorder and was clearly consumed with abandonment terror so he’d do anything to try to get my mother to take care of him first.
Your mother’s behaviour towards you when you were born was terrible. Congratulations for surviving and being here!
We were all lovable children with the misfortune of being born to sick parents.October 29, 2021 at 12:20 am #9134EleanorParticipant
What Jay says I really relate to but in a bit of a complex way, my mother also didn’t really have any honeymoon phase with me I think but my dad has the traits of a sociopath, or someone who preys on other human beings, is entitled, grandiose, sadistic, no fragile ego, who enjoys playing mind games, having power and basically wrecking other people for fun/sport. My mother is very narcissistic and also has some traits of sociopathy like sadism and enjoying hurting other, and has very bad paranoia. For me my father did exactly this idealisation Jay is talking about and my mother I think felt threatened by this. But my father was very adept at charming her so she also often was reassured by this I think. Around age 5 my dad started behaving differently towards me when my brother was born, but it was more like forced compliance to be who he wanted me to be, he would praise me for this. He scapegoated my brother. My mother conversely idealised by brother and her scapegoating of me just like Jay says really kicked in around this time, age 5,and never ended.
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