November 8, 2021 at 4:26 am #9227EljesfiParticipant
While I was watching Jay’s video I became aware of some statements I was told about myself that stopped me engaging with others. For example, ‘you only like going to her house because you prefer her mother’ s baking to mine’, ‘you only like watching that TV programme because the presenter is physically attractive to you’, ‘you only like her because she said you had pretty hair which is not true by the way/were good at writing/etc’, ‘you fancy him’. I found these things just as incongruent and confusing as the statements said about my character that were also false. The statements about fancying men and boys, and also not irregular implications about fancying girls or adult women too, finding them sexually or romantically attractive, confused me the most. I was often holding onto emotions and thoughts about people which did not seem to belong to me at all, but I did ‘feel’ them in some way, so I concluded I must just be denying they were my own and lying to myself. I now know they were not my own feeling, but this was and still can be one way in which beliefs like ‘I am defective’ and ‘I am physically disgusting’ really raise their heads. With my understanding of who I am in relation to other people. The ‘you fancy so and so’ was especially disgusting to me because I am an asexual woman. It messed with my entire understanding of who I am in the world. I wanted to add this in car it is of help to anyone else.
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