5.00(5)

Course Page – Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

  • Categories Tutor
  • Duration 04h 20m
  • Last Update October 6, 2021

Description

Did you have a parent or partner who:

…never seemed happy with you?

…found fault in how you naturally lead your life?

…used these supposed faults as reasons to deride, devalue and blame you? 

…seemed entirely uninterested in your emotional experience? 

…was devoid of compassion for you? 

…claimed that you failed to treat them the way they deserve?

If one or more of these are true for you then you may have survived a relationship with a narcissistic parent or partner.  By narcissistic I mean someone who suffers from a  usually unconscious  sense of worthlessness and copes by insisting on the opposite  that s/he is worth more than others and feels entitled for others to reflect that inflated importance.  With such people, there is little empathy, understanding or genuine care that they can offer to the people with whom they are in relationship.  Instead, the narcissistic person will often relocate their own worthlessness into the people around them  a process that often results in emotional, psychological, and/or physical abuse for those people. 

The point here is not to weaponize the diagnosis of narcissism against such people but rather to state plainly what you may have been dealing with and begin the work of recovering from such relationships.  By recover I essentially mean that one has to develop a particular set of beliefs about oneself, others, and the world in relationship to a narcissist that are centered around you being undeserving and/or defective.  Such beliefs are often necessary to stay in relationship to the narcissistic person.  Recovery ultimately involves identifying and seeing how these beliefs operate in your life and taking the steps necessary to shed these beliefs. 

 

What Will I Learn?

  • The psychology of the narcissistic parent
  • A model of the narcissistic family dynamics (i.e. the enabler parent, scapegoated child, and golden or lost child siblings)
  • Your own narcissistic family dynamics
  • How narcissistic abuse in childhood – particularly as the scapegoat – is psychologically and emotionally survived
  • How these survival strategies require beliefs about oneself that are marked by defectiveness and undeservedness
  • How your hopeful and wounded selves operate in your life
  • Why the pull towards a narcissistic family is stronger than the pull towards a healthy family
  • Why the the goal is to leave the narcissistic family behind in favor of good, reciprocal relationships with others and with oneself.
  • The obstacles in the way of identifying and pursuing safe relationships after narcissistic abuse
  • The qualities of character that make someone safe vs unsafe
  • How grim beliefs about being undeserving or defective come about in narcissistic abuse
  • How to use new safe relationships to disconfirm these beliefs
  • How to separate your lovability from your competence while owning your true competencies
  • The role of shame in feeling like a bad person for leaving the narcissistic abuser
  • How to connect to your bodily experience to counter the freeze effects of shame
  • ….and more!

Topics for this course

8 Lessons04h 20m

Introduction: Recovery from narcissistic abuse?

This video introduces the 3 components of recovery: 1) making sense of what happened, 2) gaining distance from the narcissistic abuser, and 3) living in defiance of the narcissist's rules. Next, each of the subsequent modules are introduced to offer an overview of the course.
Video #1 & Supporting Documents

Module 1: The scapegoated survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse?

This video offers an in-depth explanation of the narcissistic person's psychology and how it so often ends in abuse for the narcissist's child or partner. The narcissistic parent or partner may initially idealize you and offer what seems to be a bond. That initial bond deteriorates when the child or partner shows signs of his or her free will. It is this point that the 'fall from grace' can occur where the once idealized child is now blamed for all of the family's problems. This module offers you the assignment of mapping your own family to the roles in the narcissistic family system. See the pdf attachment below to get your copy of the diagram.

Module 2: How narcissistic abuse impacts the survivor’s psychology?

This video explains how the survivor of narcissistic abuse may have to split themselves into a part that stays hopeful that the narcissist will finally love them and a hidden part that stores all the pain and suffering inflicted by the narcissist. A diagram is offered to illustrate this way of coping with chronic narcissistic abuse. Another diagram uses similar concepts to illustrate how gaining distance from the narcissistic abuser and establishing relationships with safe people allows one to live in defiance of the narcissist's rules for living.

Module 3: The importance of distance from the narcissistic family?

This video explains why it is harder to leave a narcissistic family than to leave a 'good-enough' family. The trauma of fearing abandonment and deprivation continues to force the survivor to seek what is not available from the narcissistic family. Next, I explain how to break the 'spell' of the narcissistic family by putting psychological, emotional and sometimes physical distance between yourself and the narcissistic family. I offer several concrete strategies for doing this.

Module 4: Identifying ‘Safe’ people as friends and partners?

Building on module 3, this video and assignment work to help you define what ‘safe’ means to you. Importantly, a safe person is not just someone who does no harm but also provides experiences of being understood, cared for, and shared with. I walk through an assignment in detail that will help you identify the safe people in your life and the less safe people. The results of this assignment can be used to guide who you choose to keep company with as your progress in your recovery.

Module 5: Free yourself from beliefs that keep you ‘at home’?

This module addresses some commonly held beliefs one may have to adopt to survive narcissistic abuse. Most of these beliefs adhere to the theme of feeling undeserving and/or defective. I discuss how gaining distance from the narcissistic abuser, populating your life with safe people, and understanding what happened can help build the necessary foundation from which you can productively challenge such grim and constrictive beliefs about yourself.

Module 6: Separating lovability from competence?

This module addresses a particular coping strategy that is very common for those in recovery from narcissistic abuse: fusing your lovability with your demonstrated competence. There is a genius to this coping strategy when adopted by a child because it mitigates the pain of the narcissistic parent’s contempt and hostility. It’s easier for a child to believe they are only being devalued because they deserve it rather than to know their own parent does not seem to care or even like them. In recovery, with the prior steps in place, it grows more and more possible to separate your lovability from competence and I discuss how to do this.

Module 7: Overcoming challenges in one’s recovery?

This module addresses 3 common challenges in proceeding with your recovery: 1) expecting rejection in trying to forge new safe relationships with others, 2) feeling like a bad person for putting distance between yourself and your narcissistic abuser, and 3) losing patience with yourself in the process of recovery. Each of these challenges have good reasons for occurring and can be usefully thought of as signals from your system to avoid a danger that used to loom large – namely, invoking the wrath or rejection from the narcissist. I walk through ways to afford yourself a compassionate understanding for why these challenges may be faced and offer concrete coping strategies to help you work through them.

About the instructor

5.00 (5 ratings)

1 Courses

57 students

Student Feedback

5.0

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I have been on this healing journey for most of my life. It's felt like swimming upstream, trying to counteract and hopefully undo the beliefs of worthlessness that were instilled in me as a little girl growing up in narcissistic family system. I just turned 40 and it's taken me over two decades of different therapy modalities to even get to this point. I can't say enough about how valuable I find Jay's course to be, and how thankful I am that I came across this course. I found myself being brought to tears throughout these modules. There have always been aspects of my trauma that I've struggled to articulate and/or fully grasp. Almost akin to trying to remember a dream. I also have always felt alone in this pain. Listening to Jay explain these concepts in such a resonant and compassionate way has profoundly impacted my understanding of these dynamics. It has also helped me to feel a little less alone. It is a course I plan to re-watch on my healing journey. I highly recommend it to anyone who has been traumatized by narcissistic abuse, especially as a family scapegoat.

This is a great course. Jay Reid understands the thoughts and feelings that victims of narcissistic abuse struggle with. Before I always just felt uncomfortable in social situations and didn't know why, but now I can see it for what it is. It's really amazing knowing that how I felt was normal for someone who has been abused, and that I don't have to feel that way anymore.

What Jay has to offer is unlike anything I have found on this topic.
Jay’s course gave me not just one but several key ideas that I had never come across in all my years of research to understand the narcissistic abuse I experienced.
This course is packed with mind-opening insights into both the abuse and how to recover from it. There is no padding or fluff, and at times it felt as if his every sentence laid out a breakthrough concept for me.
Jay’s compassion for the sufferer of narcissistic abuse and deep understanding of how we have coped is helping me see myself in this light; as a person who did amazingly well in a terrible situation, and that the problems I have in my life that can be traced to this abuse are things that I can, slowly and gently, overcome.
Thank you.

Tremendously helpful for the recovery process.
If I think of how much money I’ve spent on things in the attempt of stowing away the constant bad feeling about myself, invoked by the abuse, it’s a real bargain.
I did already quite a lot of research after “having figured out what is going on” about six months ago, but nothing out there resonates as well and on point with me as former scapegoat, than how Jay explains things. I really feel understood and encouraged to trust my own perception again and I like how he encourages one to leave the family.
Really no one has to stay in such a situation and lets him or herself torture until the end of days.
Thanks Jay for your work!

I've been focused on solving the challenges that narcissistic abuse has created in my life since I can remember, but really in earnest throughout my 30s. I've explored a multitude of different treatment modalities from every conceivable angle and spent a small fortune in pursuit of freedom from the paralyzing effects of toxic shame on my life and the terror and CPTSD that repeated cycles of narcissistic abuse and the resultant amnesia have led me to experience. These have included, among others: pharmacological therapy, talk therapy with psychiatrists and licensed counselors, betterhelp.com, shamanic spiritual healing, zen buddhism meditation and seminars, energy healing, physical therapy, reiki, adhd online coaching, listening to sermons on repeat, reading spiritual texts, researching academic literature, reading and filling out DBT workbook manuals, taking online skills continuing education courses for clinical counselors, volunteering, mainlining programs on youtube, staying up to date on the latest developments in clinical research, self help books, in person life coaching retreats...it goes on. While I absolutely 100% recommend all of the above and believe they have been vital on my spiritual path and I'm so grateful for them, I'm hard pressed to think of anything that has been as effective in my life and on my mindset and understanding in such a quick, clear and comprehensive way as this course. Thank you so much Jay for this transformative work. What an incredible gift to humanity and to people who are suffering from the effects of narcissistic abuse. It really is a balm to the soul and has made such an enormous difference for me. Wishing everyone the best of luck in their recovery.

$250.00

Material Includes

  • Eight video lectures (total=4hrs 20mins)
  • Supporting diagrams in pdf format
  • Spreadsheet to complete assignment on finding safe people
  • Moderated discussion forum for each module. Share with and support other students in the course.

Target Audience

  • Anyone who wants a resource for themselves along the path to recovery from narcissistic abuse.
(415)944-3628 | jay@jreidtherapy.com | 381 Bush Street, Suite 503, San Francisco, CA 94104
Jay is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC).
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