…never seemed happy with you?
…found fault in how you naturally lead your life?
…used these supposed faults as reasons to deride, devalue and blame you?
…seemed entirely uninterested in your emotional experience?
…was devoid of compassion for you?
…claimed that you failed to treat them the way they deserve?
If one or more of these are true for you then you may have survived a relationship with a narcissistic parent or partner. By narcissistic I mean someone who suffers from a usually unconscious sense of worthlessness and copes by insisting on the opposite that s/he is worth more than others and feels entitled for others to reflect that inflated importance. With such people, there is little empathy, understanding or genuine care that they can offer to the people with whom they are in relationship. Instead, the narcissistic person will often relocate their own worthlessness into the people around them a process that often results in emotional, psychological, and/or physical abuse for those people.
The point here is not to weaponize the diagnosis of narcissism against such people but rather to state plainly what you may have been dealing with and begin the work of recovering from such relationships. By recover I essentially mean that one has to develop a particular set of beliefs about oneself, others, and the world in relationship to a narcissist that are centered around you being undeserving and/or defective. Such beliefs are often necessary to stay in relationship to the narcissistic person. Recovery ultimately involves identifying and seeing how these beliefs operate in your life and taking the steps necessary to shed these beliefs.
What Jay has to offer is unlike anything I have found on this topic.
Jay’s course gave me not just one but several key ideas that I had never come across in all my years of research to understand the narcissistic abuse I experienced.
This course is packed with mind-opening insights into both the abuse and how to recover from it. There is no padding or fluff, and at times it felt as if his every sentence laid out a breakthrough concept for me.
Jay’s compassion for the sufferer of narcissistic abuse and deep understanding of how we have coped is helping me see myself in this light; as a person who did amazingly well in a terrible situation, and that the problems I have in my life that can be traced to this abuse are things that I can, slowly and gently, overcome.
Tremendously helpful for the recovery process.
If I think of how much money I’ve spent on things in the attempt of stowing away the constant bad feeling about myself, invoked by the abuse, it’s a real bargain.
I did already quite a lot of research after “having figured out what is going on” about six months ago, but nothing out there resonates as well and on point with me as former scapegoat, than how Jay explains things. I really feel understood and encouraged to trust my own perception again and I like how he encourages one to leave the family.
Really no one has to stay in such a situation and lets him or herself torture until the end of days.
Thanks Jay for your work!
I've been focused on solving the challenges that narcissistic abuse has created in my life since I can remember, but really in earnest throughout my 30s. I've explored a multitude of different treatment modalities from every conceivable angle and spent a small fortune in pursuit of freedom from the paralyzing effects of toxic shame on my life and the terror and CPTSD that repeated cycles of narcissistic abuse and the resultant amnesia have led me to experience. These have included, among others: pharmacological therapy, talk therapy with psychiatrists and licensed counselors, betterhelp.com, shamanic spiritual healing, zen buddhism meditation and seminars, energy healing, physical therapy, reiki, adhd online coaching, listening to sermons on repeat, reading spiritual texts, researching academic literature, reading and filling out DBT workbook manuals, taking online skills continuing education courses for clinical counselors, volunteering, mainlining programs on youtube, staying up to date on the latest developments in clinical research, self help books, in person life coaching retreats...it goes on. While I absolutely 100% recommend all of the above and believe they have been vital on my spiritual path and I'm so grateful for them, I'm hard pressed to think of anything that has been as effective in my life and on my mindset and understanding in such a quick, clear and comprehensive way as this course. Thank you so much Jay for this transformative work. What an incredible gift to humanity and to people who are suffering from the effects of narcissistic abuse. It really is a balm to the soul and has made such an enormous difference for me. Wishing everyone the best of luck in their recovery.