find a therapist

How to find a therapist that can help you – ‘the relationship’s the thing’

This blog post is dedicated to letting you know what research says is most helpful in psychotherapy.  I hope that after reading this you feel more informed about what characteristics to look for as you try to find a therapist. More than sixty years of research has determined that therapy works.  People who undergo some form of psychotherapy are better off than about …

depression and feeling lonely

Depression and Feeling Lonely: The Effects of Withdrawing from Others

Depression hurts.  You can experience profound states of sadness, acute anxiety, or bleak despair.  Meanwhile the world around you seems to be functioning to an entirely different script.  The difference can feel huge between your reality of depression versus the “normal” reality of people who seem happy.  You can end up feeling lonely and different.  Consider the plight of Abby: Abby …

Does guilt constrict your life?

Are you extra careful to not seem like a ‘show-off’, ‘know-it-all’ or ‘arrogant’? Do you keep most of your worries to yourself lest you ‘burden’ others? Does it often feel like someone important to you could easily think you’re abandoning him or her? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you’re not alone. Many people learn that …

Empathy

The Importance of Feeling Understood – How Empathy Cures

Do you believe that you’re fundamentally different, weird, or impossible to understand? Are you terrified to share your opinion when you’re not sure if others will agree with you? Do you find yourself able to understand and empathize with everybody else but yourself? If any of the above apply to you then you may walk around with a feeling of …

emotional abuse

Emotional Abuse: The Invisible Trauma

Do any of the following points apply to you? You take care of other people’s emotional needs but don’t expect them to take care of yours You have a difficult time identifying and expressing your own feelings You find yourself in relationships with people who seem self-absorbed You never express anger towards friends or partners You never feel like you …

Interrupt your anxiety with this breathing exercise

Anxiety is the body and mind’s threat-detection system going off.  It deserves credit for helping the human species survive.  Here’s one way anxiety has been helpful:  alerting us when the connection to a parent is in jeopardy.  Early baby humans who experienced and listened to this anxiety when their play carried them too far away from a parent, likely scampered …